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my experience of being carried

it was in retrospect, freeing to be carried. I have felt lighter afterwards.
In approach to meeting with Armen, I felt very excited, almost giddy with the thought of it. I imagined it was going to be fun, but also not knowing what to expect was fun. This kind of work has not crossed my path so far, and certainly not in this form. My previous experiences with being carried have been extremely positive, mostly as a child of course, and usually in a spirit of fun as an adult. when I arrived at my carry date at the hilltop coffee shop waiting for Armen to show up, it was the only time I felt nervous. I wasn't sure if I'd be cold or uncomfortable, or if it would take a really long time. I imagined my hands getting cold the way they do when jogging or riding a bike in the winter and wondered if I should have worn gloves. More so I was still excited. Armen arrived and we walked down to the bottom of the hill. he offered to get me some gloves, but I declined, deciding that I was fully prepared the way I arrived. at the base of congress street I jumped off the curb and onto his back. I tried to get a lot of height, starting our journey as lightly as possible.

The first few blocks seamed like most other times someone has given me a piggyback ride, no physically palpable difference. Just the knowledge of what this trip entailed, how far it would be to Washington monument and back, and the abstractness of the purpose of our journey. I remember thinking that i wanted to be mindful of my dialog and limit my words to what would help keep us focused on the present. It was obvious soon that Armen was generating a lot of body heat and i would not be cold. I began noticing things on congress street i hadn't seen before, and the vividness of my surroundings was heightened as even colors were brighter and the air more refreshing. Armen was getting a cardiovascular workout. I was struggling to hold myself in place, to not slide down his back. we readjusted. some people around us took notice at us. By the time we reached the top of munjoy hill, i questioned whether i had heard Armen correctly when he said we were going to monument square and back. i thought we might not make it back.

I was definitely experiencing more physical discomfort than I expected at this point. I was thinking about what it would be like if I couldn't walk and I had to be carried long distances. I realized how uncomfortable it would be to ride an animal for a long distance. This inspired me to push into Armen's sides with my thighs, which was relieving to both of us. It enabled my spine to carry a lot of my weight, although the impact between Armen' s hips and my thighs felt like it would leave a bruise. That didn't seem important though, as I felt a strong drive to just keep my mind and breath focused on completing the mission. i thought again that Armen surely wouldn't make the return trip, but tried not to pay attention to that thought.

I thought of running long distances and techniques to work through discomfort. My feet were falling asleep due to the pressure against the back of my thighs. We took several breaks, which were extremely relieving as my body was able to simply hang over Armen's back. Finally, we were almost to monument square. The sidewalks became mostly concrete, and I felt the shock of the impact more severely than on the brick. Armen carried me around the back of the square and back up towards munjoy hill. I almost couldn't believe we were really making the return trip. This was a lot of work, but I felt it would be worth it. My feet and legs began to fall asleep again, and we took a break. Some people around us were so distracted that they didn't seem at all interested in what we were doing. A few seemed to appreciate it.

As we ascended the western slope of munjoy hill, I was imagining the sciatic nerves in my thighs being impinged, causing the absence of sensation in my feet. I wondered whether this could actually injure me in the time it would take to finish, or if it was merely uncomfortable. Was the blood flow to the nerves being cut off? Would my legs be temporarily paralyzed? I wanted to encourage our momentum. I felt like Armen and i were a single unit. I hesitated to ask for a break, as I wanted to go as far as possible first. I decided that I would ask him to stop when we passed the hilltop coffee shop. As we approached it, Armen stopped. I waited a long time as sensation returned to my feet before I was ready to go on. We had just a short leg left, although Armen said that the downhills were more difficult for him. As we walked down the hill, something inside me spontaneously released, and my head leaned forward against Armen's, breaking through a personal space "bubble" I didn't' know was there, and suddenly the carriage was easier than ever.

I felt more relaxed, and I was able to hold a great deal more of my own weight. Armen was lighter and faster, I think we both laughed. There was suddenly just a few short blocks to go. I was almost sad to be finished, but not really. It took much less time than I expected. We approached the curb. I jumped off Armen's back. We hugged. Though we took breaks, I stayed on his back until the journey was done. I was pretty bliss-filled, although my legs, which had regained all feeling, seemed to have forgotten how gravity works.

Armen walked me back to my car, and we talked a little and I drove away. I retained the feeling of bliss for the rest of the day, and had waves of good feeling wash over me several times. It was unexpectedly hard, but I felt rewarded. I still feel lighter, and more opened.

Janet Rowles
Harpswell, Maine