3

My first and continuing reaction: that people will think this is a bigger deal than it is. Proud that it didn’t make my heart race, thinking about this strange thing. See it wasn’t strange at all. So, pride.
Which makes me think, how do I feel about the fact that I think I’m better than other people in some ways? Am I okay with that? Why would I excuse that? Or maybe that’s not it at all; I mean how many times in the beginning of awareness, do you mislabel stuff? A lot. I think…
Well now I can’t remember

Making big claims
Like compacting decades into a snowball. And like how most snow doesn’t make the perfect snowball, I fail to make claims I feel content to throw
_ _ _

Narrow lives
Like a highway in the jungle
Everyone going over and over the same thing and it’s something like 99% of the ocean is undiscovered
But contrasting to previous judgments, now there’s nothing shameful about it.
What do I care if people do what they do
Does the anxiety stem from a wanting to belong
Am I looking out for myself or for them
But what does it matter if it’s not life threatening (the highway’s not next to a volcano)
Maybe in my heart I think it is
Or by manipulating them it just makes it easier for me to walk smoothly off the highway
Me me me

_ _ _

But how wonderfully responsive people are
Even if not coming up and saying this is intriguing, and then there’s talking and then signing up or giving those fantasized-about resources, look nakedly how nice it is that people make the effort to mix
Even with 6 billion people, we don’t have to bump into each other. We could make it happen
Instead look at the common desire! Cool.

Although this leads me to another thing. How we’re all just so freaking bored that like an addiction, at the base of brain is “gimme gimme gimme”. Make this time pass. M–u–s–t E–n–t–e–r–t–a–i–n N–o-w. And where’s the fault there? Big frackin brains. How I curse this last step of evolution.
No, half kidding because rewind and that would be so foreign: be careful what you wish for.

* reaches out for cup of tea and absently picks up pepper shaker*

_ _ _

Down to earth
Press the + button and you’ll be zoomed into Munjoy Hill, Portland ME
Watch Armen carry Jenny on his back
Good lord
But like I anticipated, not a big deal at all
Just another thing that’s happening… la-di-da do-do-do
Meditative for sure! Pinching my freaking nerves, all this “pain”. But discomfort doesn’t have to be any more special than whatever sensation you’d prefer over

But that was a choice. What is preference, ahh it’s just a decision. Every stimuli equal, it’s us that changed them. And maybe I could whine about how I’ve been conditioned, but what about starting over every second. Sure, there might be baggage for a little bit, yet look at how adaptable we can be! Actually I’m not positive about this because there’s not many people in the line of vision that push the limits. But the suspicion is there.. I’m going to hunt it down, try it out, come back with a snowball

_ _ _

Also, there’s something to be asked about only doing the things you want to do
I didn’t want to do this piggy ride
Should a timeline of just doing Whatever Whenever – something too many people call “selfish” – be looked down upon? What’s so fair about that?
Do we really have responsibilities to each other?

Well, it’s that we want each other and supposedly there are rules to follow

maybe


Jenny
Munjoy Hill
Portland, Maine